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  • Status: deviantART Subscriber
  • Anime Artist
  • Female/Canada
  • Offline for 2d 58m 2s
  • Deviant since Sep 26, 2003, 10:59 AM
  • Subscribed until May 26, 2009, 7:22 PM
  • 344 Deviations
  • 42 Scraps [browse]
  • 1,595 Deviation Comments
  • 294 Deviant Comments
  • 32 Forum Posts
  • 13,556 Pageviews

Can't Speak The Answer Dispite The Silent Scream

Journal Entry: Tue Jun 10, 2008, 11:50 PM
  • Mood: Anguish
  • Listening to: The Quest - Bryn Christopher
  • Reading: Descript's
  • Watching: My Life Spiral Unto An Abyss Of My Brain
  • Eating: food...?*hurk*
I sit here, in abit of my angst. Just after midnight, i twiddle my tablet pen while looking at the rough Oekaki i've just scribbled into Paint, while photoshop sits open, unused with line art remaining in need of cleanup.

need to express. gotta try and get this out. This? i can't even speak out loud to anyone this collaboration of emotion. So i write to the evermore deaf world.

forgive my angst, truly, but after weeks upon weeks of trying to deal with my thoughts i find myself triggered towards expression by a unexpected source.

like, how much longer can i deal with this? i'm not even dealing with it. i'm putting up with it all.

I can't talk to anyone, or even rather, the minute select few i feel i could even expose this to; i have yet had a chance to express this to them, not to mention i never see them to give the chance to myself. not to mention, those i'd want to express... they are the one's to fear most.

i told myself i wouldn't rant aimlessly about this here. not DA. not Facebook. far away from prying eyes.


i can't figure out if i'm brave, or a coward. i'm too scared to acknowledge, to reveal. Too afraid to run away. to abandon.
too afraid of rejection i'm convinced is imminent.

most likly though, i just don't know when to get when the getting's good.

what can i say? stupidity comes natural to me, even without the hair colour.


i know exactly how it could get worse though. which, is where the cowardice comes in...


yyyeeep.....i'm fucked. i'm screwed. i'm dead. or as good as.
i'm alone. more truly then ever.
and i have no solution.

and i'm alone...

damnit.

The Quest - Bryn Christopher

’m leaving tonight
Going somewhere deep inside my mind
I close my eyes slowly
Flowin’ away slowly
But I know I’ll be alright
It’s coming stronger to me
And I know someone is out there
Lead the way
Lead the way
Show me the answers I need to know

What I’m gonna live for
What I’m gonna die for
Who you gonna fight for
I can’t answer that

All my life/love it is
It is all my love
All my life/love it is
I know it is a life to live lately
From above I hear
I hear the sound of them sinkin’
I feel numb, I’m alive
I know I’m getting closer

What I’m gonna live for
What I’m gonna die for
Who you gonna fight for
I can’t answer that

My life has had it’s share of troubles
And now I found a place to go
I’ve said goodbye to all my troubles
’cause now I’ve find my place to go

What I’m gonna live for
What I’m gonna die for
Who you gonna fight for
I can’t answer that



Devious Information

  • Current Age: I..er...Forgot
  • Current Residence: Alberta Canada
  • Interests: Anime, Drawing, Music, Movies, Roller Skateing, Skydiveing, Photography
  • Favourite movie: Beauty And The Beast, Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, and Chicago
  • Favourite band or musician: Do As Infinity, Daft Punk, Pizzicato Five, Prozak
  • Favourite artist: Don Bluth
  • Operating System: Windows XP
  • MP3 player of choice: Winamp
  • Favourite game: DDR, Kingdom Hearts, Ocarina Of Time, Harvest Moon
  • Favourite gaming platform: PS2
  • Personal Quote: atten'see-on to deh-tail ist ess-en'tial
  • Tools of the Trade: Mp3's, batteries, copic markers, mech. pencils, Erasers, Photoshop

Devious Comments

=AmaundraPaine:iconAmaundraPaine: Jul 7, 2008, 1:30:00 PM
Here's me spamming you with love! :heart: I miss talking to you! :)

--
~*Message approved by T*~

~WammysHouse


Xoragen, The Unwavering Stronghold, =Org-infinity

Xyrcs, The Pandoric Harpy, *Org-Omega
~chihiko:iconchihiko: Feb 13, 2008, 6:37:12 AM
Hi, Kelly.
I joined deviantART to comment your artwork!
You gave me a awesome present! ha-ha!
Thank you so much, again (*^0^*)
~Balance-the-Insanity:iconBalance-the-Insanity: Nov 25, 2007, 4:58:47 PM Mood: Promiscuous
Hey, bimbo, geuss who.

--
Life is Nothing to the Living, but Everything to the Dead
~evk:iconevk: Oct 19, 2007, 9:19:08 AM
lol! glad i could make you smile =^_^=

--
is the evil vampire kitten a fallen angel?
answers on a postcard please!
*ailathehealer:iconailathehealer: Oct 18, 2007, 11:16:06 PM
O_o WOW!....i never actually thought anyone would seriously view my page from my guest book entry... XD cool! HI! yeah loads of fun! ahaha youve made my day!! =3

--
~No Religion Other Then That Of The Paper, The Line, and The Creativity From Inside.

"I Will Gladly Go Down In Flames, If The Flame's What It Takes To Remember My Name."

Home Made Cosplay: Looks Better. Tastes Better. Less Calories.
~Shadow-Kitsune:iconShadow-Kitsune: Oct 9, 2007, 7:47:46 PM
OHES MAI GAWD! I hasn't talked to you in forever! Hows ya doin' chick? :glomp::heart:

--
The cubby fox chewing on the evil gummy bears...

Proud member of Shima-Michi! [link]
*frodobolson72:iconfrodobolson72: Sep 30, 2007, 3:39:49 AM
Thanks for faving my artwork!:hug:

--
Un libro es un espejo, sólo podemos encontrar en él lo que ya llevamos dentro.
"La sombra del viento", Carlos Ruiz Zafón
A book is a mirror, we can only find on it what we already have inside us.
"The shadow of the wind", by Carlos Ruiz Zafón
~arctic-ex:iconarctic-ex: Sep 28, 2007, 11:44:36 AM
Mmmh...Nerdalicious lol!

--
"Never miss a good chance to shut up"
~evk:iconevk: Sep 19, 2007, 10:55:13 AM
hi there.
i saw your entry and devart address in the guest book in the youth hostle in yokohoma (man that place is rundown!)! the sketches you did on the page were really cute =^_^= so i thought it would be fun to say hi.

--
is the evil vampire kitten a fallen angel?
answers on a postcard please!
~Silentjack:iconSilentjack: Aug 7, 2007, 3:53:51 PM
Wow you art's cool... and fonkeh (funky)... yes

--
Nothing but Silence...
*ailathehealer:iconailathehealer: Aug 3, 2007, 10:31:11 AM
howdy indeed! ^^
thanks for checking 'er all out! muchly obliged! take the challange! goodness knows i haven't stuck with it, but it's awesome for encouraging art ideas~!

--
~No Religion Other Then That Of The Paper, The Line, and The Creativity From Inside.

"I Will Gladly Go Down In Flames, If The Flame's What It Takes To Remember My Name."

Home Made Cosplay: Looks Better. Tastes Better. Less Calories.
*headaches4ever:iconheadaches4ever: Aug 2, 2007, 8:28:30 AM Mood: Artistic
Howdy! I liked your retrab pic so I browsed all your other stuff, and I like : )... I think I want to take the challenge on your journal... Looks funsies. Hms.

--
I piss excellence, and God does it feel good.
~Shadow-Kitsune:iconShadow-Kitsune: Feb 25, 2007, 12:31:21 PM
Gah, sorry! I didn't mean to double post. My dog jumped up on the keyboard. >.O

--
The cubby fox chewing on the evil gummy bears...

Proud member of Shima-Michi! [link]
~Shadow-Kitsune:iconShadow-Kitsune: Feb 25, 2007, 12:30:21 PM
I can't complain too much. =^^= I just missed talking to you. I haven't really talked to anyone on here in forever. XO

I'm glad you're doing well! :glomp::heart:

--
The cubby fox chewing on the evil gummy bears...

Proud member of Shima-Michi! [link]
~Shadow-Kitsune:iconShadow-Kitsune: Feb 25, 2007, 12:30:18 PM
I can't complain too much. =^^= I just missed talking to you. I haven't really talked to anyone on here in forever. XO

I'm glad you're doing well! :glomp::heart:

--
The cubby fox chewing on the evil gummy bears...

Proud member of Shima-Michi! [link]
*ailathehealer:iconailathehealer: Feb 24, 2007, 7:59:13 PM
Hey shadow kit~ !
dispite afew recent early mornings and late evenings i'm doing well. almost done my backpackign stint and then i'll be back home.

How are you darlin?<3

--
~No Religion Other Then That Of The Paper, The Line, and The Creativity From Inside.

"I Will Gladly Go Down In Flames, If The Flame's What It Takes To Remember My Name."

Home Made Cosplay: Looks Better. Tastes Better. Less Calories.
~Shadow-Kitsune:iconShadow-Kitsune: Feb 17, 2007, 3:36:25 PM
omg, it's been forever since we talked! TT_TT I'm sorry! :glomp:

How have you been? =^^=

--
The cubby fox chewing on the evil gummy bears...

Proud member of Shima-Michi! [link]
~colleteangel:iconcolleteangel: Jan 31, 2007, 7:18:54 PM
heeeeheeeeehehe

--
マーメイドメロディーぴちぴちピッチ
*ailathehealer:iconailathehealer: Jan 29, 2007, 10:47:19 PM
*salutes* many thanks! glad to know some peeps do ^^

--
~No Religion Other Then That Of The Paper, The Line, and The Creativity From Inside.

"I Will Gladly Go Down In Flames, If The Flame's What It Takes To Remember My Name."

Home Made Cosplay: Looks Better. Tastes Better. Less Calories.
~colleteangel:iconcolleteangel: Dec 15, 2006, 4:29:49 PM Mood: Amazed
WOW I like your art
~lunario23:iconlunario23: Dec 11, 2006, 9:05:25 AM
Hey, thanks for the card I guess. The crazy part is I received it on my birthday o.O Hope you're safe.
~Zenity:iconZenity: Oct 21, 2006, 7:59:15 AM
Oh, well thanks for watching my new account now! XD
*ailathehealer:iconailathehealer: Oct 20, 2006, 11:30:57 PM
WITH PLEASURE! i didnt know you changed accounts! i use to watch your old account.

--
~No Religion Other Then That Of The Paper, The Line, and The Creativity From Inside.

"I Will Gladly Go Down In Flames, If The Flame's What It Takes To Remember My Name."

Home Made Cosplay: Looks Better. Tastes Better. Less Calories.
~Zenity:iconZenity: Oct 16, 2006, 12:48:36 PM
Thanks for the watch!
~Kakashisama:iconKakashisama: Sep 4, 2006, 9:25:44 PM
Thanks for the fave. TT3TT

--
"I think inside the box, it's just a different box than everyone else."
- Jake AKA Sprectra